Sometimes realizations creep up on you all of a sudden and sometimes they’re like the sunrise slowly making its way up and bringing forth light for the day. Then suddenly everything is bright and with that light comes the hope of a new day and new chances.
A few months ago I broke down crying to my husband that I just wanted to get better. I didn’t want to feel so tired, cranky, depressed, irritated, and just downright crappy all the time. I wanted to feel like my old self but better! I cried to him that I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be. I’d snap at my poor, sweet girls over everything. That wasn’t me. It’s not the mother God created me to be either. To think about how their precious hearts are so fragile and so full of love to have their own mother snap at them because they’d leave a dirty dish on the table or read a word wrong in their school book. I’d have to take a break and go to the bathroom and lock the door and cry and breathe. When I broke down to my husband and begged him to help me get to the bottom of it all and help me to be a better mother, he didn’t hesitate. We made appointments, we pay for supplements, we make time to relax and we help each other with house work and with parenting. I’ve struggled with feelings of selfishness that I take so much time and money to get better. I tell myself it’s like that saying if you’re on a plane you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. This is my oxygen. Getting my health back is the life giving and vital thing I need most. Not simply to be HERE but to truly be here for my family in ways I haven’t been able to in too long.
Six months have passed since I started Paleo. I’m still amazed at what a dramatic impact it’s had on my health but also my life. Couple that with the supplements I’m taking and while I’m not 100%, I’ve seen drastic improvement.
It dawned on me tonight, but it’s been like the sunrise, slowly creeping up until it’s bright and you can’t mistake it any longer. I’m a better mother. I’m the mommy I want to be for my girls.
I’ve noticed improvements the last few weeks in my blood sugar regulation and the spikes and crashes. With that comes less crankiness, moodiness, snapping and anger over nothing. I’m calmer, more patient, more understanding, more loving and most of all more energetic. Which translates to me being able to do more for my family.
I can show my love for my family in ways I haven’t been able to in a very long time. Tonight, I’m alone with my little angels as hubs is away for work. One of them has strep throat and I’m praying my oldest doesn’t get it too. A few months ago I’d probably be feeling overwhelmed and also too tired to be the mom I was tonight. After making a healthy dinner for just the three of us, I got them both bathed, hair dried, and rooms straightened. I took 15 min for each of them to massage their necks, backs and feet with massage oil and essential oils. Different oils for each daughter to fit their needs tonight. Kissed their sweet little faces good night and tucked them in.
As I walked out and came to my disaster of a kitchen still needing to be cleaned, certain thoughts came to mind. Peace, joy, gratitude, hope, love and thankfulness. My heart was bursting with so much happiness. I felt like I was finally getting better. I continued to clean my kitchen and put away the rest of dinner. At 9:30, the old me would’ve been long passed out on the couch.
I still have a lot of healing left to go, but to see progress, perhaps in the one area of my life that means the most to me, is encouraging. To wake up each morning as the sun comes up, and not have a sense of dread is such a wonderful feeling. I live with an incredible amount of joy and hope now. We all have bad days but when I look across the horizon I see the sun peeking through the green earth and meeting the blue sky. I see my future and I see my past. I want to never step foot back down that dark road again but I don’t want to lose sight of what I have now by forgetting how bad it can be. Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons we think we don’t need to learn. Reality is, God uses those hard times to really guide us and bless us more abundantly.
My family is my life. I thank God every day for them. To go about my day and just grab my girls and hug and kiss them and play with them is a joy beyond compare. It fills my heart to overflowing. Getting on the path to health isn’t easy, but so far it’s been worth it. Every struggle and every tear. This is my story and it’s my journey. I hope by being so raw and open I can help someone else along the way. You’re not alone if this is what you’ve been going through and there’s hope.